Jesse Rhodes
How one family handles technology
Welcome back to The Family Stack! We interview families about their technology stack. That's not just their devices and apps, but their rules, rituals, and resistance strategies. How do they handle phones at dinner? What's their bedtime protocol? When do kids get devices? How do they preserve attention, presence, and humanity while living in 2025? These aren't the pristine success stories, they're real families figuring it out, sharing what works, what failed spectacularly, and what they're trying next.
This week, I’m thrilled to have Dr. Jesse Rhodes. In addition to his extensive academic bonafides, Jesse also happens to be my brother-in-law and one of my favorite conversationalists. Our chats are usually far-reaching and I always end up learning something!
Enjoy!
Who are you, and what does your family look like?
I am a professor at a research university, married, and a father of two teens/tweens. I live in rural Massachusetts, in a university town. Our family, like many, is very busy: two full-time careers; two kids heavily involved in activities, primarily sports; community responsibilities and friends.
Walk us through a typical day with technology in your home.
I am guilty of using my phone to check email and the news in the morning. I am trying to use it less at breakfast, and focus more on talking with Megan and the kids. I don’t use much social media, though will check Instagram and Facebook occasionally, as well as Bluesky. A few friends and I communicate via WhatsApp.
I use Spotify alot when I am commuting or when I work out from home.
I am on a computer for work most of the day. During the academic year I use my laptop for research and teaching, primarily at the office, but also at home on days when I can work from home. During the summer I use the laptop for work, but can take it anywhere (coffeshops and the like).
As a family rule we do not use media at family meals (dinner). I also don’t use tech at home in the evenings, except for the computer when I am really pressed (after the kids go to bed). We will often watch a show together as a family on Netflix or Prime, though. Or Jake and I will watch sports, mostly basketball and soccer.
What technology is essential in your home?
The only technology that is essential for me is my phone and my Macbook Pro. I have a cheapish Samsung Droid, but I use it alot, primarily for text, email, and a few apps (Wodify, for the gym), Spotify). My Macbook is the one piece of tech I would find hard to live without these days. I use it alot for work, and I have come to strongly prefer it to a PC. I have an iPad but I really don’t use it very much.
The kids now each have a smartphone. I have mixed feelings about it. But they need it these days to communicate with friends.
What technology do you actively avoid or limit?
For myself, I actively limit social media. I don’t look at it much, and I don’t post hardly at all. For the family, we have rules about smartphone non-use at meals, out to dinner, on vacations/trips. We also limit what apps the kids can use, and reserve the right to scroll their media (i.e., texts) whenever we want.
We limit television use, as well as other screens (e.g. Jake’s video game playing).
We don’t limit what they listen to on Spotify (we have a shared account). Instead, I talk frankly with them about content to contextualize it and underscore what is socially acceptable.
How do you handle Social Media?
I use Facebook, Instagram, Bluesky, and WhatsApp. Facebook is mostly legacy for my parents, and friends from high school/college. Instagram is for sharing photos, mostly family photos. Bluesky is mostly for professional colleagues/acquaintances. WhatsApp is for a few friends.
I don’t really use social media professionally. I have a LinkedIn account but don’t use it much.
The kids use text messaging, and a few other apps. We keep them off almost all social media for now. I am concerned about social media pressure from their friends and school communities. We are trying to delay for as long as possible, but I am also realistic that once they are in high school it will be hard to continue to put it off.
We talk about social media regularly. We note that it is powerful tool, but also can be dangerous (peer pressure, exclusion) and that content exists forever and can come back to haunt you.
How do you handle AI?
I haven’t gotten too deep into AI at present. I use ChatGPT and/or Claude for work, to help with proofreading and editing, class preparation (quiz question development, course session planning, slides), and some other modest tasks. A task for this summer is to figure out how to integrate AI more into my work.
I sometimes use AI at home - workout plans, recipes, etc. - but actually not as much as one might think. I should probably be using it more.
My kids don’t really use it at all, at this point.
What surprises you about raising kids in today's digital world? What would you keep and what would you change?
I like that it makes so much information available to them. They are able to do research, and learn about things, much more quickly than I could when I was their age.
I don’t like social media much at all. I don’t understand the desire/pressure to constantly present myself in a particular way, and to be continuously surveilled and judged by others.
I also don’t like how easy it is for us to get sucked into our phones. The technology has been designed to retain our attention, distracting us from actual reality. It requires a conscious effort to resist.
I am excited about AI, but also concerned. It is potentially a very powerful tool, but many people, especially young people, may view it as a quick path to credentialing or gaming the system, without actually engaging in learning.